Lead Us Here
by ValaMagic
Summary: The team are offworld for Christmas and something's bothering Jack and Sam decides to find out what. Set at the end of season 4 but no real spoilers.


AN: Found the first paragraph of this on my comp, have no idea where i was going with it but i just thought i'd try and finish it anyway, this is what came out.

Lead Us Here

Stargate Command's flagship team SG-1 did not mind being off world at Christmas time, in fact Samantha Carter suspected General Hammond was aware of this and had sent the team off world on purpose. Their mission was routine and not really of any intergalactic importance, and could have easily waited until after the holiday season. Daniel didn't have any family, Teal'c wasn't even from Earth and Sam's only family was her brother who she didn't see and her father who was half alien. And Jack, Jack hated Christmas, he hated seeing the happy families shopping with their children, and seeing kids line up to tell Santa what they wanted for Christmas. He hated that he'd had all that and lost it, he hated seeing others happy when he was sure he'd never feel like that again.

So that was how, on Christmas eve a rather sombre group ended up sitting around a campfire, on some godforsaken planet that had once been inhabited by people who didn't believe in Christmas, whose children did not grow up believing Santa left presents for them one night a year. The people on this planet had been enslaved by their god, they had no saviour's birth to celebrate, because their god used them as slaves until every last one of them had died of starvation or exposure and he'd moved onto another planet. Sam watched on while Daniel tried to explain Christmas to Teal'c for the third year in a row because the Jaffa did not seem to understand why people would believe a fat man in a white suit would ride around on a sleigh and give them all presents.

Sam laughed before catching sight of the Colonel who was huddled off to one side from the group tracing patterns into the dirt with a stick.

"Sir?" she asked approaching tentatively, he gestured that it was okay for her to sit down.

"Carter" he greeted "Why are you over with T and Danny Boy?"

"Thought you could use some company" Carter picked up a stick of her own and began trailing it through the dirt.

"Thanks, but I was just thinking"

"About Charlie?" Jack stiffened "It's okay Sir, if you want me to go I will. But I thought, I don't know, that maybe you wanted to talk"

"I don't know Carter. I'm not good at that, I'm more of an action guy" Sam nodded, she knew, Jack O'Neill was the man you wanted watching your back, but try to talk about anything except military tactics and it got hard.

When he didn't say anything for a few more moments she made to get up, but a hand on her arm stopped her "Stay" she nodded and sank back to the log next to him, his hand still on her arm.

They were silent for a long time, but suddenly Jack started speaking "I miss him, you know, especially at this time of year." Carter nodded and Jack fell silent again "He would have graduated this year you know" She didn't but she let her hand rest in his, ignoring the line that had always been between them. They were co-workers, she was his subordinate, they could not touch unless it was absolutely necessary, she might have been stretching the boundaries a little but he at that moment she didn't care.

"And then I think about what I'd be missing out on if he was still alive, because I wouldn't be here, I never would have taken that first mission to Abydos" he admitted, but she'd already guessed as much from what Daniel had told her almost five years earlier when they'd first started working together.

"And then I feel guilty because how could I choose all of this over my son." She was rubbing small circles on his knuckles and could see even in the faint light from the campfire that he was close to crying.

His voice cracked as he continued speaking "Then I think about you" it was said with such tenderness that she knew what he meant, her mind immediately going back to a few months earlier 'I'd die if I lost Carter'.

"If I hadn't taken that mission, if Charlie had lived, we never would have met, and I can't imagine not having you in my life. I just, I need you Carter, Sam" he was stumbling over his words, and he knew there were tears on his cheeks and he didn't care. He knew he was asking something of her that he shouldn't be, that she deserved better, but he couldn't stop himself from asking.

Before Sam could formulate an answer Daniel was in front of them "T and I are going to bed, you all right to take first watch?" Daniel asked, knowing that Jack would insist on the first watch, because he always did.

"Okay Danny Boy, sleep tight" Daniel hugged Sam goodnight before disappearing into the tent where she assumed Teal'c had already gone. Jack and Sam fell into an awkward silence, broken eventually by Sam.

"I need you too" she admitted. Jack searched her eyes for a few moments, seeing pain there, pain that he could erase. So he did. He erased the distance between their lips pressing against her gently at first, using his tongue to ask silently for entrance. He didn't have to wait long, her tongue darted out to meet his. When he pulled away out of breath he realised what he'd just done.

"We shouldn't have done that... we could be court martialled" it sounded strange even to him to be worrying about being court martialled he'd never worried much about it in the past.

"What if I don't care?" she challenged "What if I think it's worth the risk?"

"What if it's not?" what happened if he disappointed her and it had all been for nothing.

"What if it is?" she asked quietly and images filled his head, of them married, with another child. Of them spending Christmas morning together, on Earth while their little girl ripped open her presents showing them happily to Grandpa and their dog chewed happily on the paper.

"Screw the regs" he decided and pulled her against him again, not even caring if something big and scary snuck up on them, because if he were to die, he'd die happy and that was enough.


End file.
